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Starting with my most recent.
I wrote this two days ago, really fast and I have three versions of it, this is my most updated and definitive version, thought it's rather short.
The moment we met you created a light in me and in the dark evoked a life unseen wrapped in satin sheets, perfume and your moon brushed cheeks your legs, the hardwood floor and your long, soft moan, leave me wanting your body, your soul, your sweat and your light and to be used and ravaged and seduced with all their animalistic might, left aching and intoxicated, melting like chocolate on your lips and in your thighs. I want you.
Here are so more. I lost all of my notebooks and I get depressed thinking about it... I wonder who has them
2-10 Unfinished
Beautiful Dreamer, your time has come Transcend the mistakes of tender souls in love. Life circulates through you and I Ripples through our core Love It can radiate It can intoxicate It can bring the most vacuous people into a state of fervorance that, if only for a milisecond Can last a lifetime.2-10
Every day is a new day. You are the creator You can change the world in which you live and the life which you will lead. You have the ultimate power of freedom and control over your own self. Make the right decisions; follow your heart and never second gues yourself. Break down the walls and burn the film away. Cleanse yourself and be born again Lower your shield Lower your sling and arrow Expose yourself to life and all it's beauty. Be the newborn Live and create from within your own body. and break the tracks of life. It's time to live Everything is eternal There's a reason for all things There is no yesterday The only time we have is now It's time to live.
Unifinished, 12-09
The black sky backed by starry eyes; those liquid brown holes that stared so deep into my soul. This land; dry, parched and cracked, reminds me of the snow, your baby breath,and how I want it back.
8-09
I Love You, And I Breathe Is there a difference? They both happen naturally We aren’t friends, It was never meant to be. We’re just lovers Floating carelessly in the breeze And when this world drowns In the oceans of the deep Forever to the end You’re the one I’ll Keep And when the fires burn my world Leaving me with nothing Don’t fear, little girl You’re All I Need
Eve A pure drop In the ocean To clam my thoughts, To cast me out to sea To the melding horizon Melded in endless possibilities. The hue of the crisp autumn scene The leaves, the sky, the orange and green. Myriads of colors dancing in melodies, Perfect in rhyme with our dancing feet. Whistling through the fields; Our hands interlocked, Her touch sends a calming numb From toe to top. Her eyes hum With radiant thoughts; That the feeling we share Is what others have whole-heartedly sought, And that the deepest oceans Are just the start
I have to say this is my favorite piece, and I actually finished it but then I lost all of my notebooks, so I don't actually remember my final draft, but this one is the first draft, but I love some of the phrases and feelings that, even though it's not really that good, it's still my favorite and I love it completely, I would try to rephrase and add and make another finished copy, but this moments gone and there's not point in living in the past.
Summer '09
I'm leaving you my beautiful friend Glorified; to the wind. I've picked up the peices of my life and fallen in love again I'm starting over Pining for something new I'm a fool for loving her But I was a bigger fool for loving you I make her heart beat faster, I feel life swimming through my veins floating like we are underwater; just two kids holding hands. At dusk when everything becomes one We watch the sun set like we never done The fireflies illuminate her delicate face She sings to me; and I fall into place I'll hang out our ruined letters to dry But I won't stop them, if they're just passing by On this page, my beautiful friend, this is my heart Even though this is the end, something new starts
Summer 09
Every night I see your soul shine, dancing wild and naked in my mind. I’m lost in a plot, of claustrophobic thought. A sigh of relief escapes me, When it’s taken away, But I search for it Because I need your company. My eyes gaze through your soul, Tied to your ribs like a kite. I’m tied to my mind, Helpless to the power of the night. Weep for me, Sweet Willow, Wrap me in ribbons of oak, Secure me in your roots, Don’t ever let me go.
Summer 09 This is a story I'm working on and I named the chapters after lines in songs to remember what I was writing about as I skipped around and I have a whole other book to this somewhere lying around, but I'm never good at finishing anything
I also took some lines from some songs, like "clouds laughing" from JF's Interior Two, just because they're such perfect lines and I wanted to honor them
So Real (Chapter 1) I could recall it all, if it weren’t for your hand by my side. The archaic white gates suited the Vesuvian landscape, as if someone had set out to create an art piece. Your adventurous footsteps seemed to rhyme perfectly in time with mine, they would’ve made any little drummer boy feel envious. I just felt alive. I can recall it all; the summer sky had no better companion than the green grass. I’d never seen grass like this; it sticks in my mind as if it’s every moment I’m living. Now I understand something I never did, at this moment my face fills up to content and it’s no coincidence that my first thought is of the early morning dew that covered the grass so well. I could see every little, single drop, each one just being most significant drop of dew; it was the best grass I’d ever seen. I know what you’re thinking; it’s just grass, but you’re wrong. Not enough people stop to look at the world around them. But that morning, everything seemed to shine with that happy-eyed shine; you know the one where you see someone walking down the street, with a smile on their face, but their so happy it just leaks out of their eyes. Even the trees seemed to dance so carelessly. The world was alive that day, it was happy. I felt alive that day, I was happy. That friendly, summer breeze carried the smell of your simple, city dress. It was a smell that, to this day, I will never forget. Chapter 3 (?) I stood frozen by the doorway. My apartment bared marks of being broken into. Have you ever noticed that when someone moves out of a house, it starts to fall apart soon enough, if no one moves in? The house becomes devoid of life and becomes nothing more than a hollow, empty shell. I was the robber. I may have been living in the apartment, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there was really a person there. I was as far from a productive human as you can get without being in a coma. At least friends and family come to visit you when you’re in a coma. I think I would felt a little better if I had been; you grow weary of the slum of your life after it becomes your day to day thoughts. I was really getting tired of coming home to the TV moaning. There used to be a time when the world talked to me with words and it made me feel wholesome. I felt about as wholesome as the leftover Chinese food containers strewn about my apartment. You know your life doesn’t have much value when your house becomes so cliché it’s filled with leftover Chinese food. I didn’t even really like Chinese food, every book I ever read, or every washed up detective movie was just full of them. It was a nice place, don’t get me wrong, but I guess I didn’t treat it with the respect it deserved. It wasn’t the home of a man who gave him the respect he deserved. I could feel my time crawling to an end as I stood there, I knew I had to get out; I couldn’t live in this skin anymore. I had created this, but I felt completely overwhelmed about the passion burning inside me. My shuffling feet made the carpet groan, as I trekked to my bedroom. It was the only part of my world left unscathed by my apathy. All I had was a bed in there anyways, but it was my most valuable possession. I kept the satin sheets in such pristine shape, I didn’t want to deface my temple. It was the only place in the world I felt comfortable. It was the only place I could feel the faintest touch of an angel Every night I saw your soul shine, swirling blissfully in cosmic fits in my head. It was so real to me. I only felt real in the dreams… my dreams were reality. Or they were the only place I wanted to be real Show me unfocused fears in disguised (Chapter5) “I’m trying, isn’t that all that matters?” I’d always had trouble tying a tie, but it had already been a bad night. I stared at her, “She’s stupid, I don’t even know what I’m doing here”. New York is such a filthy place. I’ve traveled the world, and even though I’m here with her, this is the worse place I’ve ever been. It’s worse than home. There are too many lights, and too much brick. I feel like I’m in a noir film. I’m not going to lie, I don’t really remember anything she’s said; I don’t think I’ve paid attention to her since the day I met her. I just had one more commitment to fulfill and then I would break it off, besides, I had tickets for Paris in three days, it was perfect timing. I hoped she would understand, I I’m reappearing and holding back (or) Any house is a frame (Chapter 8) Today, I felt a sense of bewilderment; I saw the clouds laughing insane, our secret song played in the wind. I ran… I ran until my lungs burned and I could feel the bile in the back of my throat. I ran until my muscles were drowning, singed in acid, and I could hear their screams as they burned alive. Pedals fallen from the blooming trees swam in puddles on the sidewalk; they seemed to smear like some sort of expressionist art piece, veering on the edge of a psychedelic trip. This was no less than a psychedelic trip, if I could describe the sky as it truly were, you would call me insane. It had been raining; the first spring rain. After winter ends, spring brings life back to Earth, this rain had washed everything away; it felt as if the Earth had started over again. I’d never felt so clean. This thought was disrupted as cars passed me; I keep getting lost in my own claustrophobic thoughts. Even though I feel like it, I can’t forget I am not the only person in the world. I ran until I got home and it felt good, every single house I passed was so familiar and had so much strange, newfound warmth; this was a family reunion I could enjoy. It felt good to be home, in a strange way. I guess I could say today was a bummer day, it was only Tuesday, but it felt like one of those Sundays that you pushed all your homework on in high school, even though it never got done, because all your thoughts focused on the dreary rain. It may not seem like it to you, but I still had travel plans. I’ve been across the whole world and there was only place left for me to discover; Home. Kiss my Mind, Leave me No Doubt(Chapter 10) I still remember the exact moment I first saw her. She was so expressively mediocre; I was immediately attracted to her. Sitting among the stars, dreaming, the way young lovers do(end) I could recall it all; if it hadn’t been for your hand by my side. I traveled the whole Earth and the changing ocean’s tide, and I have to say, sitting here, listening to our secret theme, feels like I’m sitting amongst the stars.3-09
Take everything you know, everything you’ve learned and everything you’ve ever felt. Take everything that you are comprised of All of it, don’t let any loose crumb break away Just take it all and mix it Pour it into one feeling, one statement, one memory, one component of yourself Now, Let it take over, let it take over your life and let it control everything. That one instance that you put everything into was the most important moment of your life. You almost forgot it didn’t you? That moment was so great, how could you have forgotten it? You’re worrying too much. You move at a pace too fast for life. You’re not really living. Know you see it! You see it clearer than you can see your hands in front of you That one singular moment, it makes you incredibly happy doesn’t it? Now think of any other moment after, until now I can’t remember any of them either. They’re all a big blur, they’re the same That time you sat on your couch from the time you were at the pet store with your best friends Oh, they were pissed off weren’t they? Man that couch is really disappointed in you It’s all the same You couldn’t afford to throw away that couch You don’t want to lose those friends, but compared to this feeling, nothing matters That moment is the only part of your life that is really real. When everything else is gone, that moment will still exist Forever and ever Because it holds something special It penetrates your soul It’s love in the purest form Why the fuck did you come back? One moment was spent dozing off, and then, at the barely conscious realization that the song I was listening to changed a bit It was the most peculiar sound I heard Just imagine twinkling stars flying through the universe, with the utmost joy in their hearts. But for some reason it makes me sad, because it brought that moment to life That moment was put to rest, I thought In fact, the more I think about it, I don’t even recognize this moment, but just the feelings and it’s the worst feeling ever It’s not that it’s a shitty, horrible feeling Being sick is a shitty, horrible feeling But it’s a lonely, nihilistic, happy, joyfully content feeling Horribly happy Sadly sound It’s something you can’t let go or fight, because, whatever you’re missing at that point in life is fulfilled. There is no such thing as world hunger. I just wish you would forget me Because I’m still around I can’t tell what’s up I can’t tell what’s down I can’t forget you until you forget me Everything has emotions, even dreams But once that emotional context is gone The dreams disappear and are forgotten
3-09
I breath in, I breath in deep. The air feels euphoric against my cold, metal lungs. I touch you, your hand, and I feel humanity on my livid skin This world is a dead, dry, desolate place The blistering heat nearly melts my prosthetic face If only for a moment I think these thoughts and then it starts to rain The desert land is p o r o u s I feel my friends feeling the pain With you around Everything seems OK Everything seems so real It begins to rain (rainbows) life's so surreal I know that eventually you must go and take the liquid life back with you I just hope I can create tangible life light enough to nourish my friends because even after you're gone there will always be the sun but before you go would you mind to help me plant some marigolds?2-09
It's been 16 hours. 16 fucking hours Since I've been here, in outer space The first 4 hours were the most unique. It was a cosmic swirling bliss, weaving in and out of the nebulae. It was a seize of emotion. I was deeper than Jacques Cousteau would ever venture One moment was blissfully interrupted and substantiated by the next; though each were equally independent and equal in value; they were different from the previous one Fucking 16 hours and I'm still here, I've lost all contact with any sign of life. It must be the slug of time; he oozes along leaving my transmissions trialing behind him as time goes by ever so slowly It might as well have been 16 years, because up here, time doesn't matter Time doesn't matter I've most certainly ran out of oxygen- all the tanks are empty; bang their metallic ancestry like the ritual drums of tribal Africa to bring back the dead. But they're hollow and contain no value You can't bring back the dead Dance around a fire let it cascade across the horizon; LOW and HIGH and TO and FRO LOW TIDE, HIGH TIDE, LOW TIDE, HIGH TIDE They dance in circles; those infidels, as if to bring back the dead. I must have a blood clot in my brain because it's so clouded that I can't differentiate one moment from the next, I must not have any oxygen in my brain I have none in my lungs either. I exhale and it's all smoke, burning, singing smoke- it can be enough that it can travel through your eyes and ears and burn every organ inside of you I'm a dragon; a mystical epithet; a holy resurrect: Cultus Promachos; Diligo est meus absentis , meus animus voluntas , accerso is ut everyone,it's solus res ut mos superstes ullus quasi decimation ut could venio. Secundum totus est absentis , ut nusquam vel somes futurus a maculosus in bosom of vita , diligo mos subsisto ut alo orbis terrarum quod grow iterum Flowers mos grow quod orbis terrarum mos ver. Sulum vestrum est a astrum , vos must emanio diligo. Si vos can't operor sic don't operor quisquam Operor retineo miles militis trucido vos ; vos can have vestri permaneo spiritus Spiritus Sicco: But I can't complete my mission; It's not that I wasn't supplied with enough oxygen- in this world there's always oxygen, but I was sent here by my fellow man- the same dancing infidels who preach of the dead, without enough oxygen to endure my quest. That's the down fall When you set out to complete a task and you set out to full fill the burning passion that is in your chest. The smoke that comes from the dragon inside of you, someone will extinguish it. A banging footstep that brings fast heartbeats to your chest will most certainly damper your haven. You're somberness can't withstand the power of excitement and it most certainly vanishes if only for the moment until the excitement subsides. The people will panic, but not you, because you're brain dead and your oxygen has run low Shit you can't even feel your legs; they're so heavy. You couldn't even begin to feel any sense related to the feet beats that dance around the fire that beat the drums lapel. Those feet you hear, they weren't your feet. In fact, your feet and those feet are so different that you can't begin to even permeate a distinguishable idea that would have any association But you can always replace oxygen. Everything can be replaced. Nothing is definite. Why we hold dearly on to our momentary life puzzles me. It could be gone... NOW! It can be easily replaced as gasoline can be replaced with water to fuel a cry but our greedy clutches wouldn't pry loose if there were something 10 times better; Of course some of us would go as far to risk everything to get better things and to have more They're never satisfied; so they can only hold on to one true thing- that's life. Because once this life is over they won't have anything because they were truly void in the first place- constantly grasping for something that would fullfill the gaping hole inside them So accept the infinity that is out there; I'm here right now, in this infinitude. I don't need oxygen You can survive with out oxygen I can't recall the last 12 hours; mostly because I were sleeping, but my dreams were as vivid and real as could be. I was lost in a fairy tale surmised all of my dreams and purposes in this life. They were as real as if I were watching a movie of myself going by in life; ignoring the meaningless things that waste our time and energy Even my thoughts escape me. If I am not to produce them to a more permanent, physical apparatus they vanquish in to the air as quickly as I thought them up I must live then; becuase if my thoughts that I am composed of began to dissipate than it will be soon before life begins to dissipate me and while slowly escape my breathe in the form of a whsiper The smoke will diminish and my heart will be empty. I would die. Dragons would become extinct At that thought the whole ocean could come from my eyes. Jacques would be proud of me He is an essential explorer He discovered it. Others have discovered it too. It's just a personal way to discover it. Everyone has their own form that their soul takes shape in, so everyone has their own way of discovery. It's great I would drown in that ocean if i thought of it for too long. No cul de sac would left busy with the animated buzzing of human interaction and I would feel alone on those empty streets. Each person is their own, separately equal person who is equally separate from everyone else and each person would have their own fictitious envision of a personal flood But for me it wouldn't be a ravenous, grasping spontaneous flood It would just appear as the calmest sea with me the only person in it I don't need oxygen but no fire could stay lit underwater. It would not This has fuel, but fuel runs out at the most untimely point. When you're feeling most ambitious and outgoing; ready to take on whatever comes your way- to explore and discover and pick the ripe fruit from your orgasmatree; you run out of fuel I wonder what watery thoughts make me think so easily? I know right now at this exact moment I'm just pouring some ancient, timeless information from somewhere that's a far off land with cobblestone streets and white pearl columns that hoist every building These columns were built for a reason, you know that right? Well when this flood comes, those columns will release their sales and hoist their building and traverse the tranquility and enjoy the lack of human life. Only then, when humans are gone, will this planet know peace But I can't complete my purpose in life if humans are gone and then I'll just burn out. I'll wash away, and have lived a meaningless life Fortunately what ever is inside of me comes from that time when buildings were prepared to set to sail; It's glossolalia; pure and simple When you lose oxygen you start to feel euphoric. That's what happens when you die. Your body releases all of it's chemicals so it becomes the single greatest experience of your life. I must leave now before this ocean drowns me I will emerge a different person I shall come back from outerspace Remember Diligo est meus absentis2-09
When with you under the sea I wonder what watery thoughts make me think so easily2-09
I'm standing in this line and I hate your fucking guts Why don't you learn to fucking vent? You fucking hypocrite All you spew is bullshit Alphabetic slosh from behind others backs You know nothing else, so that's how you act. You're a sheep. BAA!! BAA!! You're a sheep BAA!! BAA!! You're a sheep But no farm animal is as caustically ill as you I don't believe in medicine But if I did, nothing could cure you
This is from '08
When I fall into the Cosmos, like a tiny speck. You bring me back to Earth, and show me what really matters Your hand in mine Together we'll transcend our bodies and travel time. In love and entwined. Time has no boundaries Love house none, So they can last forever Whereas... Bodies, have a capacity So when we leave this vessel We're forever bound7-08
From the skin scraped by the fall To within, where nothing is better at all. You can only be so lonely before you start to lose yourself. You start to lose yourself after you lose everyone else. and when you've got no place to go, no place at all you can't look at life without seeing a fault I want to live life, not sad but the choices are so bad. I feel like a stranger in the family I live I feel like a stranger living in this skin7-08
I have fallen in to an Abyss, all is dark and all is mist- there are no colors or no shapes, I guess I must climb my way back out. I feel the Spirits; The Portal Man, Abandoning me Once again. Marked by the dwindling Figures I feel the hole in my soul getting bigger and bigger I sense Death, in my skin I sense nothing once again It's not a choice only a fate I thought I could keep clean, this shiny slate
Winter 09
Anytime you're given Life You must address it There's always light Walking through the darkness Release your soul From its surface Trust your heart Let it surround you
When you're infinite your mind crosses a line here and in between nothing can't be seen the past the present the future time in between blends and twists time collides but they fuck your mind and cum on your thoughts and you become a robot and take away time and leave you to rot kill your momma kill your daddy im the beastman understand me??? kill all relatives friends and family Written: February 6th, 2008 The ending is an ode to John Frusciante
Daysleeper. we all seek alienation alleviation suffocation its just a matter of time before the world catches up with us and takes our lives then one day we'll feel that's when we're free
Thanks so much for posting this, I feel charged with creative energy 
I really appreciate it!
