9 replies to this topic

[i love JF]

A poem I wrote a few months ago.

Hope you like it.
........................................................................

They don’t understand that it’s for them that I hide,
Like the frightened animals, scurrying in the forest;
When they hear the crunching of leaves and twigs under the sapiens feet.
As they get closer to their home –
Fearing wreckage and destruction
Of a life they built by themselves, for themselves.

To believe in their lies is a forte of helplessness
That I have allowed myself to enter,
When there was no other path to take
On this long, and often lonely, journey through nowhere.
What can I find on a path like this anyway.

They can’t blame me
If I feel good when I’m in pain.
It’s the basis of all love
And the only way to get through the day.

The scratches can be covered
And the love can grow some other day
Just not today please.

Like the frightened animals scurrying in the forest,
I will come when I feel safe.

They don’t understand what it’s like to hide.

[Phantom]

very touching poem, i'm guessing its open to interpretation but i feel the contents were about alienation and feeling more comfortable with pain than with happiness, as if you strife for happiness as some end goal but you enjoy the benifits of inner conflicts and the world view it gives you.

[i love JF]

Yeah you got a lot of it right there.
I don't really analyse my poetry that much but this one is kind of about seeking happiness in things that then turn round to hurt you and how that effects the relationsship you have with people.
I don't ananlyse deeply as I like to keep it open to interrpuation. For some people this could remind them of their pet cat that died last August. Who am I to say that's not what it's about.

[i love JF]

The birds all around me sing their songs of joy
As I sit all alone in a word full of emptiness.
Why can’t I find a place to be,
Is there really anything out there to follow?

There’s nothing within me to feed from the sky;
It allows misery to find me, even if I’m hiding.
Taken everything away from myself
As a way to seek what should be left behind.

The sun is being casted by clouds passing by,
Making all shadows disappear.
Death is the only thing I can see
As the hawk hunts for its next kill.

The birds keep chirping, unaware.
Then flying off with a worm in its mouth,
Goes back to its cosy next
To feed its family of five.

Survival, they call it.
To me it just seems to be pain caused by pain.
To hurt someone else is to stop hurting yourself.
Is this the only answer we have to keep from dying?

Never can i find a dream to stay steady;
The wind captures my wings as I try to take off;
Making me spin and lose direction.
Why won’t they let me see the beauty that surrounds me?

[Iva]

As per this thread, all the p..ms you write should be in one place, to make it tidier. I hope that's not a problem.

http://www.yourforum...t-october-2008/

Tell me what you want as your thread's definite title.

[Iva]

...and now to come back and actually discuss them.

I like it when people start off with something that might look like a fixed form, and then they drift away into something unconvential, yet looking-like-convential, the way you did in the first of these two. I don't remember when was the last time I've seen something with a 6-5-4-3-2-1 structure, actually! Maybe I actually never saw it in poetry intended for young adults and adults, only in children's poetry. That's what makes the first p..m extra special and unique. I'd definitely suggest you to continue with forms like this one, as they offer more space for creative expression than the classic fixed forms.

The second one makes me sad. It's like giving a bad face to every single good thing. I think I wrote something similar 12 years ago...basically, admiring a bunch of aspects of nature and then ending each verse with something denying it. E.g. "forest, I wish I were like you..." verse ending with "forest, I don't want to be like you, they would cut me down". I'd call p..ms such as that one and the one you wrote "fear of life poetry" and I think each person who's comfortable with showing their weaker side has written something of that kind in their lifetime.

More?

[i love JF]

This is a little sstrange.
I think it's something I wrote when I couldn't sleep.

It's quite old (2008)

Walking along the shore line, hand in hand,
With the one who says they love you;
Yet, knowing so well there’s another mind
Inside his head
Leading him in a new direction.
New love is formed in the hearts of evil,
Where the world turns fierce
And all has become lost;
Hidden by the self – unknown to the world
He carries along the road you fear to reroute.

Coming to the back door with a key in one hand,
Pushes you in the car and pounces away.
With his hand on your breast
And his penis forced inside you
You scream for help and mercy,
Then he stops your silence with pain.

Stumbling alone the shore line
After beaten by the one who says they love you.
Crying, alone, on the steps;
Unwilling to trust a single stranger.
Forgotten messages pass by your head,
Putting the picture together
To remember this night forever.

[i love JF]

I put thiss poem in for a competition. Just thought I'd put it up for a bit of feedback.

Enjoy!



Washing It Away.

In the forest, with leaves on the ground,
Twigs looking down on you,
Spying on you,
Like the birds flying past.
They mock you too.
A little bit of love,
What you want around the corner.
Seems so far away
While you run through the woods.

It used to be so peaceful,
A happy place to be.
Now the snakes are getting closer
And the dove fading away.

It used to be so beautiful
But yet it seems so long ago;
Almost indistinguishable,
With the memories now overtaken.

Running in the forest
When you should be in the field.
No gaps or cracks to keep you out
And no where to wash it all away.

[i love JF]

I'm getting this poem published soon.

Hope y'all like it

.....................................

Europa, Belfast.

Glass on the marbled floors,
In the lobby and restaurants.
People screaming with their loss,
People showing in what they care for.
Though it has been targeted so many times
People still flock towards it:
Those looking for luxury,
Those looking for a good time,
Those looking to be part of history.

Bombs being just another part of the day,
Riots seen as a way to have some fun.
It's the best we show for
That scare people to come to our country.

[i love JF]

Hey,

just to let you all know I have a book that's out now.

It's called Washing It Away and Other Poems.

Check it out.

It cossts £7.00 for a hard copy and £2.00 for a downloaded copy.

You can pay in euros and usd aswell but I'm not 100% sure of the price (think it's around $10)

Hope you enjoy thanks

Link follows

http://www.lulu.com/...h=natalie+smyth