76 replies to this topic

[Iva]

Was reserved about you.
Now I'm not.

[dveri]

Sure I wasn't perfect but you were pretty tough on me, too. You just turned away from me for no obvious reason and never, EVER explained why. That hurt, still does. Now we think things are fine between us but are they? I'm not so sure. Why do you expect me to wait for you always? I tried to change myself but now I see no point in it. That's how I am and we're different, too different and bad different. I hope that won't last any longer and you'll finally leave me. Because do we really need each other? Last time we had "the talk" I thought we're going to be fine again but I don't feel good with you anymore. The silence is always uncomfortable.

[Iva]

We argued a lot. I'm sure I wrote things against you in this thread and before it, too. I know you can't read this anymore, as I don't believe in afterlife, reincarnation and all those things made up to make us feel better, yet making us mad, but I love you, I always did, even those times I'd said that I hate you. I love you, and I want the world to know.

I promise to take care of my mother, your wife and our best friend. I promise to devote the next months of my young life to make her overcome losing you and turn 70 with a smile on her face. And I promise to devote my entire life on making sure she's OK, making sure she lives up to be 80, 90, maybe even 100.

And me? I'll just cry when no one can see me and rewind to days of the good times we had, as my sadness shouldn't be turned into superficial selfishness - as being irresponsible, weird and depressed wouldn't change the fact that you're gone and that we just buried you. Thank you for everything. I wish you could speak during the last two weeks of your life, perhaps you would've forgiven me every single bad thing I have done, but I saw approval in your eyes.

I love you, daddy. You live in me.

Your daughter, Iva

[i love JF]

Please stop doing things behind my back. You may find you'll lose me. I don't want that to happen but if you keep this up fuck you!

[Iva]

I like you.
But it's been six months and you still haven't decided if you want anything with me. You suck.

[BlueVelvet]

Dad, do you love me? If so...Why don't you give me a call? What is it about my sister that makes you think she is the best? Why don't you ever talk to me? What can I do to make you see that I'm a good kid? Is it because I preferred to live with my mom rather than you? Is that why my sister is better, because she lives with you? Not even with you! She lives with your mother! And look how good she turned out!
I know I'm not the popular one, the one who's a cheerleader, the one who is best looking, the one who's had a gazillion boyfriends! But I'm the one who cries at night hoping her father would care about her, the one who misses her deceased stepfather, who played a major role while you were gone, the one who wishes she had a good time for her 15th birthday and didn't have shit unlike her sister who got a big-ass-bragg-about-party, expensive new clothes, a cellphnoe, tons of roses...And all I wanted was someone who would be there for me, mom's there but she can't be both a mom and a dad...Why dad? The worst part is that I love you, I do...and I'm tired of calling you and you giving a shit about it...Why did you tear apart all those party invitations we got when we were kids? Why did you make mom feel miserable for 17 years? Why can't you be a man and support your family the way your parents did with you?! They gave you bmw's, loads of cash to buy clothes! And I'm just asking for your support to go College...Is that so bad, does that make me a bad person? Because I want to do something you thought was uncool and skipped it?? Why can't you accept that I want to study film? I don't care about the cash, it is something that just fulfills me, something that helps me express myself, something that makes my life worth of living.
I feel like everything I wrote doesn't make sense, but when you have so much troubles you just don't know where to begin, even worse if you're crying

[Fenix]

Why don't you give up? You know it's all pointless. What you are trying to do will only result in failure, but you ignore it. You've been living in denial for so long you are slowly starting to forgot how to truly enjoy things. You've run out of excuses to stop accepting the truth ages ago.

You are incapable of getting over yourself. Your self-centeredness is probably why you haven't been able to make friends since you were 15. You are emotional as fuck but you wont accept it.

The clock is ticking. You're running out of time. You know you have to go. You tried everything not to, but it didn't work. It pretty much means you'll lose 2 of the best years of your life. But there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Stop daydreaming and wake up. Be real. Your life sucks, deal with it and get over yourself.

[loudlove]

Please leave me alone.

[Alhixandrrhea]

The reason as to why I act so strangely around you is because I think you are just plain gorgeous. Your eyes are probably the most mesmerizing eyes I have stared into. Every little time I have gotten to be around you is a little gift I am thankful for. However, at the same time, I hate speaking with you because you hold eye contact causing me to stutter and lose the right words. There are so many things I want to say to you but my sad lack of experience inhibits me from doing so. I hate feeling this way about you. Sometimes I wish you never came into my life because then I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of never seeing your face again once you do leave. Everyday I walk past you and completely lose sanity for a few seconds. My knees start to knock, my pulse races against my cheeks turning them an ugly shade of red. To me, you're just like that perfect painting hanging on a wall reminding me that you're just a painting and i'll NEVER get to be in there with you. It's worthless. I guess at the end of the day i'm satisfied with atleast getting to share words with you, even if I look inept while doing so. Because I know this will never go any further.

[loudlove]

Dad when are you going to be proud of me as person? when are you finally going to say that you are happy and proud about one thing I have done in my life... when are you going to stop comparing me to my family overseas? when are you going to truly show me love instead of buying me things... I love you but its hard being your daughter when I dont even feel like your my father.

[White_Widow]

I know it can be hard to do but....just try to say what you feel, let the other person deal with the consequence's. You only get one shot at this so might as well tell it straight up.....

Good reading, very thoughtful!

[Onlyafewdays]

you are the most beautiful person i've ever met! do you remember when you asked why i feel strange recently and i said "i do not know"? i was lying. i know exactly why, it is because of you!!! fuck, i would love to tell you that but it wouldn't make any sense. it would do me more harm and you would be confused as hell. but fuck, i am really in love...

[i love JF]

The way you react to things really upsets me sometimes. There's no need for shouting and swearing over a tiny little incident. Grow up!

[Automatic Writing]

You're someone else's and I've always been okay with that. But, things have changed, maybe it's me or maybe it's you, and I just can't figure out what I'm supposed to do. If I could bottle my feelings I could, but every time I see you the cap is loosened. It's gotten to the point where I've considered breaking away from you, my other friends and my current (social) life completely. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I can't muster the courage to move.


Sidenote: Reading all of these has immediately made me feel better and less troubled, I hope all of you find the answers you're looking for. If you can't, then listen to "I know there's an answer" by the Beach Boys, probably the next best thing.

[Fenix]

Fenix, on 14 May 2011 - 05:56 PM, said:

Why don't you give up? You know it's all pointless. What you are trying to do will only result in failure, but you ignore it. You've been living in denial for so long you are slowly starting to forgot how to truly enjoy things. You've run out of excuses to stop accepting the truth ages ago.

You are incapable of getting over yourself. Your self-centeredness is probably why you haven't been able to make friends since you were 15. You are emotional as fuck but you wont accept it.

The clock is ticking. You're running out of time. You know you have to go. You tried everything not to, but it didn't work. It pretty much means you'll lose 2 of the best years of your life. But there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Stop daydreaming and wake up. Be real. Your life sucks, deal with it and get over yourself.

fuck off.

[EchoSpirit]

Even though we're not in each other's lives anymore, and the spell that we were was quite short...I'm still glad as hell that we came together for that brief time, because I know I'm a better person for it. Thank you for making me feel like I'm worth something again.